Bakamonogatari- 莫迦物語
by webidolchiu94
Summary: What if vampires were different than how they were described in Kizumonogatari? What if Kisshot wasn't really her real name? What if she lied about her past? Maybe everyone can have a happy ending. Parallel story to "Puella Magi Yuuko Magica". Slight crossover with three other fandoms. See if you can find out which ones!
1. New Beginning

端緒

* * *

She had wounded me, so I wounded her in return. As a result of this pointless masochist's tango, we both bear the scars of our mistake. Not upon our skin, but within our hearts. Those outward wounds are easy to heal once you're immortal.

Maybe it was stupidity on my part. Oshino says I should have killed her. Instead, I let her live. He told us he was into balance, so I compromised instead of doing the right thing.

I thought it too cruel a fate.

In a way you could also call it selfishness.

There I was, drinking her blood. It was so delicious I could have drained her of every drop. Like ingesting the finest wine, I was intoxicated by the taste. A maddening, savory taste.

But I stopped halfway. I really didn't want to kill her after all. Even though she had slaughtered Guillotinecutter. Even though she threatened Hanekawa and called her "portable food".

I licked my lips and looked into her golden eyes.

"What are thou doing, Servant?"

I smiled. After all I had seen and done throughout Summer Break, I smiled gently despite my throbbing heart.

"Kisshot Acerola-Orion Heart-under-blade," I whispered. My fingers wound themselves in her blonde hair, the fluffiness surprising. In comparison to her attacks from earlier, she was much more yielding. Here on the concrete below me she seems so fragile. The moonlight cast a soft shadow over her ashen features—the disappointment highlighted only by the darkness around her slight frown.

She wanted me to kill her, after all. What reason would she have to resist?

"Thou hast said my name again," she said, looking into my eyes. Her voice was faint, as if I imagined her saying it.

"I don't want you to die."

I'm just that kind of guy, she had told me.

"You don't wish to become human?"

"Not if it kills you," I said immediately.

"What're you going to do then?" said Hanekawa. She had mustered up the courage to approach us again, and was now right beside me and the fallen vampire I once called my master.

"That's up to you, Araragi-kun," said a familiar teasing voice.

I barely looked up to acknowledge him. "Oshino-san."

"Yo." He grinned. I could see it in the corner of my eye. He probably was taking in the odd scene layed out before him. I had Kisshot pinned beneath me, and from the looks of it she had lost the will to fight. That and with most of her blood being drank, she was paralyzed for the moment.

A dark chuckle rumbled from deep within his throat.

"So you don't want her to die, you say?" he said, sounding like a bratty kid bored with an expensive new toy his parents had just bought.

"That would be...unthinkable at this point," I said, closing my eyes.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I take back my pardon of your fee?"

I didn't really care about money at this point, but still, this question seemed completely out of context.

"The five million yen? But—,"

"I'm going to help you," he said, finally lighting the cigarette hanging from his mouth.

* * *

After reading **_Kizumonogatari_** I hated the vampire system it was using, so I tweaked it. This is parallel to my other story, so expect hints of Negima!, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Chobits and XXXholic.


	2. Hitagi Crab: 1-1

ﾋﾀｷﾞ 蟹 - 1.1

* * *

As I said before: I was stupid. Or rather, because my reasons for helping Kisshot in the first place were stupid, then this story is based on a rather ridiculous premise to begin with.

Honestly, if this were to become an anime, I'd never watch it.

Kisshot glares at me quite a bit these days, but I don't feel any animosity behind it, so I'm guessing its okay.

She hasn't spoken a word since last week. Maybe that's why I was so shocked when _it_ happened.

We bounded up the staircase, already late to the first class of the new term. How we ended up in such a normal situation baffles me. Maybe it's because Oshino seems to have knowledge of the impossible.

It would take only a minute to get there if we were really trying, but it was broad daylight. We had to keep ourselves discreet at least.

"Move thine feet, servant!" said Kisshot, the first words she's spoken since I had spared her. She was much different than when we first met, looking to be around 16 or 17 years old. Just like when I retrieved most of her limbs and she ate them on the spot.

"I'm mov—," I muttered before I was interrupted. It was faint because of how far away the noise was, but I somehow picked it up. My feet froze.

Kisshot must have heard it as well because she was looking up at the same thing I was.

My schoolbag slipped from my grasp. It landed with a thud.

That sound. It had been a gasp; a surprised, frightened gasp from a teenage girl. Such a girl was now tumbling toward her death and heading straight for me.

Was it a good thing or a bad thing that I hadn't moved out of the way?

This girl, she fell into my arms without any effort on my part. All I had to do was hold them out. The feeling I received when she landed, was an uneasy dread. It was, incidentally, the same feeling I had the entire summer break. This bizarre surreal feeling.

Because.

This girl, the one I soon learned was named Sengjohara Hitagi, was eerily, unnaturally light.

It wasn't because of my supernatural strength—I can assure you of that. No, I could tell you truly that this girl literally had no weight; like she wasn't even there.


	3. Hitagi Crab: 1-2

ﾋﾀｷﾞ 蟹 - 1.2

* * *

It was a miracle I wasn't killed by my family when I returned. My sisters especially, were ready to rip my throats out. And as usual, Tsukihi was Platinum Mad. They both stood behind our parents, glaring at Kisshot and I. The two of us were soaking, since we had walked through the rain to get here, and I was 99% sure that the thunder and lightning were reacting to my mother's distressed voice.

"Where the hell were you?" bellowed my mother. (Frankly, Tsukihi takes after her the most; a very large temper was only one of their shared traits.) "We thought you had run away or worse!"

"I'm sorry mum, I-,"

She interrupted me by shrieking again about responsibility. It took my father stepping in between us (figuratively of course) for her to calm down and stop yelling.

Actually, he's the calmest person I know, so it didn't surprise me to see that he wasn't as upset as everyone else. In fact he was smiling at me. Papa rested a hand on Mum's shoulder and she let out an exasperated sigh. I could actually sense the danger passing, since her anger was already dissolving.

"Koyomi," said Father, his _ahoge _waggling for every syllable. "Who is that with you?" He was pointing to the figure next to me wrapped in my now dripping wet grey hoodie.

"_Eto_~," I mumbled, trying not to open my mouth to wide. "This is Oshino-chan."

"…'chan'?" said Karen. Her mouth stretched so far open in surprise that it could probably fit a whole apple. "You don't mean—?"

"I don't need to be chewed out by you as well!" I said. A snarl was about to rip forth from my mouth but I settled for biting my lip instead and glaring at my bigger younger sister. She was the last person I wanted to lecture me, let alone Tsukihi or mother.

"Karen, could you let your brother finish?" said Father. "Well on second thought, why don't we get you two some clothes? _Then_ you could explain yourselves."

* * *

And so…that was how we both ended up showering(obviously not together, though!) and sitting on the sofa beside one another, with my family grilling us about our whereabouts. Kisshot was dressed in one of Karen's exercise suits—an old red and black one that fit her quire loosely. I was wearing the usual casual outfit: a sweatshirt hoodie and jeans. It would've been cozy and snug if for the fact that we weren't alone, and that the whole family decided we had a lot of explaining to do. Unfortunately my parents left the interrogation to my sisters while they observed us.

"So, Oniichan…" Karen took a nearby desk-lamp and shone it into our faces. The beams were so bright that Kisshot and I shielded our eyes from the light.

Damn this so called "superior" vision of mine! I know Kisshot wasn't having it any better, but it was more favorable than being full-vampire and enduring this.

Karen smiled. "Who is this?" she said sweetly.

I felt a bead of cold sweat slid down my spine. "I told you, her name is Oshino…Shinobu."

A name I had made up on the spot was to suddenly define her entire existence within our world from this day on. Very fitting for her, actually, as the kanji would show.

"Why didn't _she_ answer?"

Karen tilted her head in Kisshot's direction. Kisshot blinked twice and looked down to the floor; her face was grim and weary.

I had a feeling what was going to happen next so I tried to think quickly.

"For one, you asked _me_." Karen snorted. "Number two, she's still shaken up after what happened, so take it easy on her!"

I tried not to shout, but after what we'd been through it was more infuriating than usual to deal with Karen.

She leaned back with her fists on her hips. Her face was bored and she spoke in a drawling tone. "Oh~? What happened then, Onii~san?"

"It's hard to explain," I said.

"Explain it."

"Alright." I tried to come up with a convincing lie. "Well, her home situation wasn't the greatest."

"Really? How so?"

"She was homeless."

It wasn't a total lie at least.

"…"

Karen and the others were still silent, so I guess they wanted me to explain a little more. I felt like I was going to fall apart if I didn't, anyway, so I told them our story.

An edited version of it at least—minus the supernatural stuff.

"I found her half-starved and with her back against a lamppost sitting on the asphalt. No one was around. It was late. I had just come from the convenience store with some food so I gave her some of my tomato juice. Unfortunately she was so weak that I couldn't leave her there by herself. Who know what could have happened to her during the night?

'_Please don't leave me here_,' she said. '_I don't wanna die_.'

'Is there somewhere you can go?' I asked her.

'_There's this abandoned building Papa and I stay at_,' she said.

"So I took her there. It was this run-down cram school. Her father was a kind man, not too old, but he was even weaker. It even looked like he was on the brink of death. I tried to take care of him, but…"

I watched as my family's faces changed from their enraged and suspicious expressions.

"Niisan?" said Tsukihi uncertainly.

"There were so many complications along the way."

Jeez, when I think about it, I'm starting to believe it myself.

"But…please…could you let her stay here?"

I truly was begging for her sake. Otherwise, I'm not sure where she could have gone.

I'm just glad that my parents agreed to it.

"You poor girl!" said my mother, hugging us both with tears streaming down her face.

"Welcome to our family!" said Tsukihi and Karen.

"However," said Tsukihi. "You can't sleep in Niisan's room!"

"What?! Of course not!" I said, standing up. My voice echoed so loudly in the night that it probably woke up all of the neighbors.

* * *

[_Ding-Dong Dead-Dong_] so chimes the bell.

It is after school. Hanekawa, Kisshot and I were going over the preparations for the school cultural festival. Actually, it was more like Hanekawa and I were talking while Kisshot chewed her ponytail and stared out the window.

Huh..should I really keep calling her "Kisshot"? To me it has always been a given. It was just natural. (Actually, fangs make saying "Heart-under-blade" difficult.) But the fake name I had given my parents—Oshino Shinobu, I never referred to her as that at school unless absolutely necessary.

She hardly answered to it anyway. Only when she remembered to, I assume. And even then, she didn't say anything much. Not since _that_ day after all. The day I caught Senjougahra-san.

I just had to ask Hanekawa about her; she knew pretty much about everything.

Hanekawa smiled at me, probably out of pity. "I don't know everything—," she said, "I only know what I know."

"So…about Senjougahara-san?"

Hanekawa tilted her head to the side with a puzzled look on her face. "What about Senjougahara-san?" She placed the pencil's eraser on top of her pink lips and tapped them four times. "You're acting pretty energetic right now. Did something good happen?"

"You know," I said with hesitation, stealing a quick glance at Kisshot. "I'm just…curious."

"You don't say?" She said this with an amused lilt.

"…" From my peripheral vision I noticed Kisshot glaring at me. She had stopped chewing her hair and was now frowning deeply with a wrinkled brow and large dark goldenrod eyes.

"Well," Hanekawa twirled her pencil twice before tucking it behind her ear and leaning back in her chair. "There's a lot to tell about her, actually."

So she told us, Kisshot and I, about how much everyone admired Senjougahra. About her success on the track team, and her eventual decline due to a sudden illness. She had an operation, and it miraculously fixed her up good as new, but she chose not to participate in sports anymore. She had the 2nd best scores in our grade, only topped by Hanekawa herself.

Hanekawa explained it all with a strange knowing smile that gave the impression of self-assurance.

Hanekawa Tsubasa— she's the class representative for our homeroom.

During the spring break, because of a little peek at her under her skirt, there was a chain of events that led to me becoming a vampire. You could say it was partially her fault, and partially the fault of mother nature.

Well, actually I'm half-vampire now. Only half a monster. It's better than being a full monster, or so I've heard.

But never mind that. A sudden thought struck me like a lightning bolt hitting a redwood tree in the desert.

"Ah," I looked to Kisshot again, but she had already turned away. "I just remembered something."

"Eh?" said Hanekawa. She probably was hoping that we stay to finish deciding what our class should do for the festival. For the record, I was going to suggest we do Haunted House. That way it'd be more…authentic considering there are two half-monsters in our class.

"Oshino called us," I said, folding my hands behind my head.

"Oshino-san? What for?"

As much as I didn't want to answer that…

"Something – Well, he probably wanted Kisshot and I to help with his work."

"I see." Hanekawa's expression was suddenly obscured by both the glare on her glasses and her dark feathery bangs.

Just from the way she said that I can probably tell what she's thinking.

I bet it's something along the lines of '_you jerk, you're leaving me here by myself?'_

Except…I bet she's thinking "_Bakayarou_" instead of "jerk" in that sentence isn't she?

I stood up and tried sound apologetic and hurried.

"So," I rambled on, "we gotta leave like, now."

"You two shouldn't keep Oshino-san waiting." Hanekawa said. It was almost threatening in its sing-songy cadence. Maybe mentioning Oshino's name wansn't a good idea. Even though Oshino was a benefactor to the three of us, Hanekawa still didn't agree with his idea of 'balance'. Well, of course, I had taken that into account, and it wasn't exactly a lie.  
"For the cultural festival item, is it all right if I decide our event?" Class Rep began gathering the remaining paperwork on her desk and I saw her eyes flitting over the remaining preparations. "We'll have to get the approval from the class afterwards, of course."

I nodded. "Yeah. I leave the rest in your ever-capable hands."

Her eyebrow raised as if to say '_What the heck is that supposed to be?'_

"Give my best to Oshino-san," she said, giving me the quizzical look reserved for perverts in the book store.

"We will." I pat Kisshot on the head and grinned. "Time to go!"


	4. Hitagi Crab: 1-3

ﾋﾀｷﾞ 蟹 - 1.3

With Kisshot in tow I left the classroom, my foot barely crossing the threshold, when, I felt something odd. It was an aura of Killing Intent, very strong and very close. In fact, it was right behind us.

"What were you two talking to Hanekawa-san about?" said a lofty female voice.

I turned around, and a hand reached out for me-most likely Kisshot's, but it was too late. Unlike when she was at the top of her form, she hadn't been paying attention to her surroundings as much. If she had been, then we probably would have launched into a full-scale war. So in a way I'm happy that she was daydreaming.

Even though the voice was unfamiliar, I had an inkling of who it was. Though I was 100% sure that I had heard it before, it was like trying to remember a scattered dream. A greyscale image of an assertive young woman with dark hair flashed in my mind. Yes, that's right, during class, it was that girl.

The girl that I caught.

From that malice-laden question alone, I realized that Senjougahara had been listening to us the entire time. Probably seething at my unusual interest in her.

"Both of you don't move," she ordered.

Yes, 'seething' would be the right word to describe her face, wouldn't it?

And I just happened to be the outlet of this unexpressed anger towards me.

She had become the wielder of the Subtle Knife, aiming with almost professional precision, cutting through time and space. Just to place a box-cutter into my mouth.

I really should have been more careful myself, to be honest. I should have dodged, but I didn't.

That was the third fallacy.

Cold and unforgiving, the box-cutter touched the inside of my left cheek. It was surprisingly sensitive to the disturbance, and I could feel the blade hovering over the flesh, waiting to strike. It was a cobra and my cheek was the prey.

"..." Kisshot said nothing. She was frozen in shock herself. For a moment in this light she resembled a doll—no, a statue of a blonde Angel. In stark contrast to that image, I training my eyes to look ahead, only to behold the Devil herself.

Senjougahara.

"...!"

She was smiling wider than that cat from Alice in Wonderland—never a good sign for a cute girl with a weapon.

"Ah, let me correct myself," she informed us in the coldest tone imaginable. "'You may move if you want to, but it could have dangerous, undesirable results' would be more accurate in this situation."

This was a joke, right? Another 'devil' come to hunt 'demons', right? If I had to choose between this and a guillotine collar, I think I'd prefer the collar. Especially with such a girl facing me.

Because, you see…I am afraid, but not of the cutter-knife. I could smash this thing with a simple clench of my fist.

No, I was terrified of Senjougahara, who, whilst unknowingly threatened to expose the secret of two half-vampires, stared at me with unwavering arctic eyes.

Had she...

'No, let me rephrase that...'

Had I ever seen her wear such a confident expression? It was the stoic look of a seasoned war veteran! As if she's killed before.

I'm shaking now. I have a revved up healing factor, but yes, I'm shaking.

She isn't bluffing. I can see it reflected in her two dark mirrors that the blade is millimeters away from slicing my mouth open.

"Your curiosity is disgusting—much like a cockroach rooting though others discarded trash. Secrets are meant to stay that way. I should squish you two roaches."

"H-hey..." said Kisshot, but was quickly interrupted.

Senjougahara's head turned to my left a fraction of a centimeter. Her eyes flashed with a strange steel-like glint. "Oh? What's wrong? Is your friend's right cheek feeling lonely?" Her voice was saccharine yet emotionless, the perfect combination for a horror movie's villain.

Obviously she didn't come here for idle chit-chat from us.

"You could have told me so in the first place."

At least we could take a hint. Kisshot didn't attempt to speak anymore. I get it, were supposed to listen, right?

Senjougahara raised her left hand as if to punch me. Instead, she was holding yet another weapon: a stapler. Just where was she keeping these things? There were two pinpricks resting on the inside of my right check now, for she had slipped the stapler's end into my mouth as well.

"Ah~," said Senjougahara, like a doctor asking to look down a child's throat. Though, instead of one of those wooden tongue depressors, she had chosen to put a stapler.

"So here was what you two were going to do, right? Ask around to everyone I know about me until you find the answers you seek, right?"

Her face twisted into one of violent disgust. "I never thought there would be a banana peel on the stairs."

* * *

Spring break was a strange, if not unforgettable time. Why? Simple. It was because I was attacked by a vampire. It's hard to imagine in this modern day and age. Saying the least, she was beautiful. Yes, all I can say is that she was…no, she _is_ a breathtaking beauty. How twisted is that? A beautiful monster (what a contradiction)-an extremely beautiful monster. Kisshot is the most beautiful monster I could ever imagine.

She hasn't changed much from that day, though she's only half as powerful as before.

I can't say I'm worse off. Being only half comes with some perks.

Because of Oshino, we both could live semi-normal lives – we can handle sunlight, crosses and garlic – but we still retained all of the strengths of vampires. We were just like that hunter that first hunter that I had faced. What was his name? Dramaturgie.

Speaking of the strengths of a vampire, I could probably heal up very quickly if she did choose to strike. However…what if someone passing by happened to see?

We would have to move away, wouldn't we?

"You realized it when you caught me, didn't you?" asked Senjougahara, "I have no weight."  
She smirked. "Well…not exactly."

What did she mean by 'not exactly'?

"For my height and figure, my expected weight should be around 90 pounds."

She's probably 110 pounds by my estimate. That would be easy enough for a vampire like me to carry.

"But my weight at this moment is…eleven pounds."

Impossible. That's like… a gallon and a half of milk or a tiny dog!

An image of small terrier pooped up in the theatre of my mind, but it wasn't anywhere close to zero. However, if we're comparing that to a teenage girl…of course it would be easy to catch her as she fell. That much weight would mean that she hardly had any density, wouldn't it? She rambles on about feeling no different than usual, but shouldn't her organs have ceased to function? Gravity must not be her friend at the moment. Is it even a struggle to stand upright?

She must feel more at home on the moon then here on Earth.

It happened during the transition between middle and high school, apparently.

"..."

"I met a crab," she confessed confidently, as if there was no way in hell I was going to survive this encounter. "It stole my weight."

So the only people who know of her strange problem are the school doctor…

"…Oshino-chan, and Arararagi-kun." She bit her lip. "Sorry, I stuttered."

_'That was on purpose!_'

"So now, will you keep your mouths shut?" The box cutter and stapler prod the inside of my mouth. "Sorry, I misspoke. I mean 'you _will_ keep your mouths shut'. Or else." She licked her lips. "I'll staple them shut, alright? And drink the blood that spills from your lips." Her azure eyes looked to my left again, where Kisshot was most likely staring at her just as fiercely.

The rumors of her sickness were not unwarranted, for many a reason. This girl was sick in the head as well!

"Are you going to pity me? Araragi-kun? How kind. But I don't want pity."

Her mouth curved into another soul-searching smile. "What I _want_ is silence and indifference from you and Oshino-chan. Can you do that?"

I could feel a dark aura emanating from her, and it was giving me chills.

"Araragi-kun, Oshino-chan, if you can promise me silence and indifference, nod twice. I will treat any other action as an offensive move and will seek my retribution upon your false promises."

Left with no choice, I nodded twice. I sensed Kisshot did the same.

"I see. Thank you." The box cutter was retreating now, its departure achingly slow—methodically so. She put away the cutter-knife . It was the staplers turn no—

_CLICK!_

Smiling, Senjougahara sunk the stapler into my cheek, and before I crumpled to the ground she removed it, slipping it back into her uniform sleeve.

The two points of pain spread throughout my cheek, and I clutched it as I fell. "Ugh!"

"How extraordinary, you won't scream," said Senjougahara, looking at me as I were the cockroach she still wished to crush. "But you're still pretty pathetic."

"Y-you…"

_Click._

I shuddered in reaction to the sound, my words I had prepared for her already dissolving in my mind. The only thing I could see was her school shoes from my position.

Her tone became friendly, sweet even. "All right then, you two, please make sure to ignore me starting tomorrow, alright?"

"What a she-devil of a girl," muttered Kisshot. Now Killing Intent was radiating from her as well.

Senjougahara hadn't pierced through the flesh so it wasn't that bad, actually. I guess I was more surprised that she did it than the actual act of stapling. Oh well.

Blood pooled into my mouth when I jerked the staple out, and I licked the two holes left by that demonic girl.

"Uh, why are you still here, Araragi-kun?" Hanekawa was just walking out of the classroom now, so that exchange was probably longer than it felt. "Shouldn't you hurry to Oshino-san's place?"

How did she not hear all of that? I mean, Senjougahara was able to spy on us through the walls!

"Hanekawa," said Kisshot, her stare blazing like fire. "Do you happen to like bananas?"

"Well, not in particular, but—," began the Class Rep, thinking about the many uses of bananas, most likely.

"Well, if you eat one on campus," said Kisshot while baring her fangs, "especially while on the staircase, I will make sure I eat _you_."

"What?!"

"Pick up thine things, Servant." I could have sworn I saw tears in the corner of her eyes. Immediately I obeyed, taking up my schoolbag in my right hand.

With that, Kisshot took my left hand and began to lead me in the direction that Senjougahara had stalked off to. We were standing on the top of the staircase, while she was halfway down the flight. She didn't even turn around, but somehow she guessed correctly that it was Kisshot and I.

"Astounding," she said, "No, I should truly be flabbergasted. You are the first to rebound so quickly after that, Araragi-kun."

"The…first?" Of course, there must have been others.

"I didn't expect you would have recovered from the pain in your cheek so quickly. You shouldn't have been able to move from where you fell." She was half talking to herself it seemed. "All right, I get it. I understand now, you two. I hope you're prepared for this," said Senjougahara. As turned, she stretched her hands out, an impossible assortment of improbable weapons came rushing out. First her left then her right hand, the seemingly mundane items flocked. Pens, box-cutters, staplers, they gathered in clumps around her hands. Sharpened pencils, mechanical pencils, safety pins, all were wedged in between her fingers. Rolls of tape were held in between her thumbs and index fingers. Scissors, rulers, ink pots, the list could go on.

"Let's go to war," she hissed.

I backed away from the gathering weapons. "…you're wrong. We don't want to fight."

"You don't?" If I didn't know better, she was disappointed by this fact. Still, she didn't put away her supplies. Instead they shone in the waning afternoon light.

"Then what do you want?"

"This is just a possibility, but," I said, "I might be able to help you."

"Help me? I'll treat your kindness as an act of hostility," she said, as she took a step towards me.

That's why, without saying anything, I showed her the inside of my cheek.

She gasped—that same intake of surprise from the day she had fallen. Her grip on her weapons of mass destru—I mean, school supplies, loosened, and all of them clattered to the ground. "How is that...possible?"

Exactly. The wound had already healed without a trace. Note even the smell of blood remained.

* * *

That is why; I ended up loading down my bike with not one, but two teenage girls. Kisshot insisted on sitting on my handlebars, while Senjougahara took up my passenger seat.

"Oshino – Oshino-_san_?" said Senjougahara, questioning me if the honorific was appropriate. I could understand the confusion. After all, "Meme" isn't that common of a first name. Does it even have a gender, I wonder? As for myself, I don't use honorifics for him anymore, for obvious reasons.

"That's right. Oshino Meme," I said, concentrating more on pedaling my bike up a rather steep hill.

"Oshino Meme, hmm? Is he perhaps, that one's father?"

Sengjouhara realized their surnames were the same, but I wasn't surprised she had noticed—Oshino isn't a very common name either.

I heard the nearly inaudible growl Kisshot had mustered up in the back of her throat. She was blocking my view by sitting on the handlebars, but it even with her staying there it wasn't that bad of a view. "Don't call me 'that one', human."

Why she didn't bother slipping into my shadow was beyond my understanding.

"I see. So he is your father?"

Kisshot buried her malice quickly once again. She didn't respond so I explained for us both.

"For the sake of formality, he is, in a way. That's the last name I tacked on so my parents wouldn't become suspicious."

"Oh, so she lives with you," said Senjougahara. It wasn't a question, but I wasn't going to admit to anything she was probably going to imply.

"That's none of your business," I said.

"What irritable characters you both are," she responded. "If I didn't know better, I would call you 'tsundere'."

"How can you say such things so easily?"

She ignored me, it seemed.

"But going by that logic, they would also call my character 'tsundere', wouldn't they?" she mused aloud.

I laughed to myself. Senjougahara must be mistaken—I think they call her character a 'yangire' or something along those lines. However, 'Tundra' would be the most accurate to describe her default state.

* * *

It takes about twenty minutes to get to Oshino's cram-school fortress of solitude. However, I was in a hurry, so I ended up shaving off about 5 minutes.

'Dangerous.' 'Access prohibited.' These were only some of the signs we met long the way to seeing Oshino. We stopped off near the chain link fence. Kisshot and Senjouhara hopped off of my bike and stood off to the side. After I secured it to the fence using my lock, I noticed they were staring at me, but I couldn't understand why.

But for some reason I noticed something. Like Kisshot, she was empty-handed. If that was the case, how was she #2 in our class?

"I was wondering, where's your bag?"

Senjouhara scoffed at me and looked away.

"I already know what's in out textbooks. That's why I leave them in my locker. If I have my supplies, I don't need a bag since I don't need a change of clothes for physical education either."

"I see." I nodded. That made perfect sense if you thought about it. Adding in Moon-Girl's apparent weight, a bag would probably be more of a burden than usual.

"Besides, if I don't have my hands free, I won't be able to fight."

That violent expression again? I thought we were past all the violence. "Geez… It's going to take quite a bit of patience to deal with someone like you, isn't it?" Running my hand though my hair, I couldn't help but smile. She wasn't going to trust us that easily, I knew.

Senjougahara was like a feral cat.

She pursed her lips. "Araragi-kun, that sentence only heightens your character's moé, you know?" teased Senjougahara, her voice surprisingly hollow.

One pale hand rose up from the darkness to interrupt out conversation. It was Kisshot. She was holding her hand out toward Senjougahara, palm up, as if asking for something.

"I'll hold your school supplies," she said.

The other girl didn't move, but if she would've, Senjogahara probably would have stepped back in surprise.

"What?"

Kisshot gestured with her hand again, ready for the supplies. "I'll hold them for you, so take them out." Her voice became harder, her wording a little less polite.

This was trouble.

"Why?"

Bad idea to ask. Kisshot is a three-strike kind of girl.

"Oshino is in a way, my Chichiue, as you said," explained my Master. "Besides." Her pupils became slits, her eyes brilliant, almost glowing, they matched the sun's waning golden rays perfectly. "After what you did to Koyomi-dono, do you think I would expose him such a dangerous party? I'll hold onto your things." The sugar-sweet tenor she adopted was only a ruse—I could tell she was pretty pissed off. "Or…Koyomi-dono and I can share a lite snack." A pair of cotton candy lips spread apart to reveal a set of sparkling white teeth. Kisshot passed her tongue over the exposed fangs.

"I didn't expect you to say that after we'd arrived." Senjougahara glared at me, but then the intensity of her icy stare melted away. Her pensive—no, pleading? "You tricked me, didn't you?" Her voice wasn't as strong as it had been before.

In fact, she sounded scared out of her mind.


End file.
